With Friends Like Howard Stern, Who Needs Enemies?

by I. Humphrey

On April 1st Howard ordered Sal to end his friendship with some guy named Ian, because in Howard's eyes, Ian isn't a good friend. Ian had committed the unpardonable sin of texting Sal that he was being unfavorably discussed on-air when he was out sick.

Here's a brief summary from Marksfriggin.com: "Howard said that friends don't rile you up when you're home trying to get over being sick. He told him not to let his friends get him down like that. He told Sal to tell Ian to lose his number and stop texting him. Howard told him to tell Ian to fuck off. He should act like a man."

Evidently, Howard believes telling someone they're being talked about is not the act of a friend. Sure, I bet Howard's never done that. Speaking of which, I wonder what Howard would tell Sal if one of his friends told him to shoot a load on a coworker's back for the sake of a radio bit. Oh, wait, that friend was Howard. And the bit in question involves having Sal jerking off on Richard's back as a bribe of sorts to get Howard to book Seth McFarlane on The Howard Stern Show as a guest. 

This is a new low, even for Howard Stern. Not only does this hurt Sal and Richard, it also damages their families, especially Sal's three boys. Howard Stern is a pathetic hypocrite for berating others for mistreating their pets, while at the same time treating everyone around him like dirt.

Seriously, just when we thought Howard's penchant for sadistic acts of humiliation couldn't get any worse, they do. Howard calls himself Sal's friend. Right! Well, with friends like Howard, who needs enemies? 

Howard Stern is a miserable shadow of a human being. He will be remembered most notably not for his radio skills, but for his skill at making others miserable too.

For Howardshrine Spews & Views, this is I. Humphrey saying, "Is this a way to treat a friend, beyaatch?"

P.S. Lets not forget the time Howard was a no-show at Gary's father's wake. Pure and simple, Howard friendship is worthless.